Announcing the White Review Poet’s Prize 2019. The Poet’s Prize was founded in 2017 with support from Jerwood Charitable Foundation, and is for English-language poets who are at the...
there is no meaning. Hanging a picture on the wall I give a little too much force to my...
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, looking straight into the gold flecked eyes, ‘I can’t see another way’ The round eyes blink brightly back I turn on the hot tap above the small white bath, hygienic and functional like everything else in here There’s a red sign above the taps, with a warning about the scorching water Steam rises instantly from the bath, and I move to the toilet to wait I wonder, briefly, if I can hide her in my little room down the corridor But no, she’d be found straight away: they mop the rooms every day Besides, there would be nowhere to hide: bare lino under the single bed, and then there’s just the little lockable set of drawers, pine-veneer desk, plastic chair The walls are painted magnolia: there’s not even wallpaper to hide behind And even if I could squeeze her into one of the drawers, she’d probably suffocate I know they do their best to make it homely in here, but it’s nowhere near Bile rises in my throat when I think of the thick carpets and rugs I left behind Laying as still as I could on the luxury pile, not daring to move, hoping this would make him stop Sometimes it worked, but usually he won: got me moving again, a kick in the soft belly fat, a boiling spoon to the flabby upper arm
I inhale the steam deeply now, looking down at the exceptional pigeon cradled in my palms She’s a stunner, a certain win I feel the quality of her down against my skin, she is oiled all over I gently test the fineness of the bones, the strength of the frame, the vibrating breast muscles, the deep throat Perfect balance She was always my favourite and he knew it He said it wasn’t right to have preferences: that the birds would pick up on it and stop coming home Back then, he was still teaching me: he’d take me to all the shows, even the big one with the starry midnight carpet, crimson drapes and dazzling stage My crushed velvet dress
They seek out the confused, the timid, the lazy. Are you still feeling frightened? they ask, mock concern...
Ok late I know was supposed to be home at 12 to pick him up and do this thing and now gone 2 and just getting out of office In my defence busy and if honest quite challenging morning/afternoon so not full ready to step into surrounding season as parting words from James still in ears re Quarter 4 full 14% off target and deep concerns These justifiable as variance from target pronounced and compounded by Quarter 3 variance and need now to address issues Fully understand I said and committed will get out there today and shake the tree But have also made counter-commitment at home Texted Nicki running late lots on any chance could push tree thing with Charlie into tomorrow?
No He’s been waiting since 12
Ok on way X
Stop saying on way when nowhere near This a problem in Quarter 4 too Have assured will come good but nowhere near Have texted Nicki again outside can you send Charlie out as have to do quick call in car Do not need to do call just do not want to go in Should make call Should let James know working on making Q4 good But not actually doing Already called best prospects all saying check in after Christmas let’s see in Jan enjoy break etc Enjoy unlikely given 14% adrift and 2 days at best remaining before closeout Also nice just sit in car take moment As house has full feeling Full of kids Kids fine Generally fine Just one thing would say and not critique of any specific individual but three is a lot no? House weather moves between extreme screaming and extreme tired Piles of things everywhere Piles of clothes in hall and on stairs Piles of twins on floor eating crayons or similar Nicki mainly asleep on couch when not actually correctly asleep in bed Charlie often left to own devices as in literal just face lit by screen and seems content but that not active parenting So nice perhaps if indulgent to stay in car and not step into just yet Plus enormous amount
