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The first man who cruised me was a policeman in the half-light of a piss stink toilet   capless in half-light he grinned there are so many layers to love   there are so many pretences of love in the smile of a policeman I saw betrayal   betrayal is a language I learnt to read in the stink of the toilet, the leer on his face   professional leer the teeth in his trap me, fifteen, scared, wanting connection   connections between us could only end in derision, shunning, prosecution, silence   I shunned the half-life of that piss stink toilet the first man who cruised me was a policeman