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#DROWNINGNOTDROWNING   to find me, plausible and aspiring in a relevant dress and full of promise oh internet, oh tumblr, at twenty your sunniest meme is a church i enter, mouth full of feigning: i will be well to find me so, industrious and suffering sweet bean or sesame, darkest soy, an oyster sauce i squeeze from me my pores are little sepulchres: my face is thick with foreign bodies my face is foreign bodies you don’t know except you do i do not know about anything, weary and sleek at three am what is it to be so heavy with lustre that you can’t even? in my vault of suspect valentines, a boy whose kiss is an absolute brat and it wants what it wants he said i had become intense he lead me not into temptation in the night, when the body is its realest zoo, couldn’t we all use a few of those flavourless mercies? and by mercy, a kind of white-people tea you drink it off hot and without sugar me, when the heart turns watertight me, at half the speed of me>> <<to find you, i won’t days of lulling wound, i know, when hands cannot comply youth is being in the world and the serpent under it: better to have not been born is the penitent subtext of all our comic fonts oh internet, oh, blog of blogs atypical silk of self cut, and a softer filter over us a squealing dream at night i’m unzipping a damsel i’m climbing in through her face to say yes and i thought if i could lay my shadow in a stranger’s lap, could stretch myself the length of my light reading, i would be sane i would drain the blank page like solemn milk i fail by theft, by thrift, by pills, by mania’s several devices to find you if anyone could if i could reach back through the rabbit for the hat paranoid, and nobody wants to fuck that thought nobody wants to deal what does it mean to go under? to become: sclerite, the spiny element in me kelps and corals, colonial forms, good sea-stalwarts all down through fleabane, limonium, and sweetest vulgare a red finger gropes for