The first man who cruised me was a policeman

in the half-light of a piss stink toilet

capless in half-light he grinned

there are so many layers to love

there are so many pretences of love

in the smile of a policeman I saw betrayal

betrayal is a language I learnt to read in

the stink of the toilet, the leer on his face

professional leer the teeth in his trap

me, fifteen, scared, wanting connection

connections between us could only end in

derision, shunning, prosecution, silence

I shunned the half-life of that piss stink toilet

the first man who cruised me was a policeman.