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FINALLY RICH

I got a job

I got a job writing poems

oh hi I never met you before

going to write you a poem

about your anniversary

your niece’s christening

your son’s wedding

your uncle’s funeral

you provided a helpful ‘factsheet’

full of personal details

your favourite songs and anecdotes

this is my material

the tone is ‘light’

the approach is up to me

you will pay £3 a line

you will pay £5 a line

you will pay £7 a line if rhymed

but hang on

wouldn’t a real poet want to get at ‘truth’

you paid for a real poet

how can I get ‘truth’ from this ‘factsheet’

the only way to ‘truth’

is saying ‘yo, I don’t know you’

and refusing to write the poem in the poem

then I doubt you’d pay me

here’s my question

do you want to buy a poem

because you know about poetry

or because you don’t know about poetry

think I need to see you

think I need to meet you

think I need to come and stay with you for like a week

perhaps the whole thing will get out of hand

if I get involved in some ‘heavy shit’

I’ll write a screenplay about it

of course I’ll change your name

the names of my dystopian employers

charlie kaufman some bigshot director

will buy the script executive produce

and I’ll be rich I won’t write any more poems

about your uncle’s wedding

your son’s christening

your niece’s funeral

your bill: £210

happy anniversary


ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR

began to write poetry while at the Norwich School of Art and Design, and completed a Masters at Royal Holloway. His poems have appeared in various publications and competitions since 2005. He co-edits the anthology series Stop Sharpening Your Knives, and is currently working towards a PhD at the University of East Anglia. He was a recipient of a 2009 Eric Gregory Award. His first collection, 81 Austerities, was published by Faber in 2012. 



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